my precious mamaw got a wonderful surprise on thursday night. she went to sleep here and woke up in heaven. as much as i will desperately miss her, i am so happy for her. she did not just "live a good life", she lived her life good. she used her one chance on this earth to make a real difference in the lives of others. most people these days feel that being a good person is good enough. it is not. as precious as my grandmother was, if she had not had a personal relationship with Jesus Christ, this blog would have an entirely different tone. i would not be able to rejoice in her death. God's word tells us that our good works are "like filthy rags" to Him (isaiah 64:6). unless we confess our sins and have a personal relationship with Him, we will not see Him-our death will not be a time of rejoicing.
as we spent yesterday taking care of all the many preparations and details. we spent a lot of time thinking about the life that she lived. because of her example, prayers and faithfulness-my mamaw lived to see her 2 sons, 2 daughters-in law, 6 grandchildren (2 by marriage), husband and all of her siblings come to know the Lord and have a personal relationship with Him. everyone in her immediately family either died serving the Lord or is serving the Lord now. now THAT is the kind of legacy that i want to leave! she was not rich according to the world's standards but she left us an inheritance that all the money in the world could not equal.
the last few years of her life were difficult. many times we thought it was the end, but God had other plans. i will never know all the reasons that God had for allowing her to stay here as long as she did but i am very thankful that my children were able to know her. i do realize that they may not remember her when they are older but the times they were able to be with her were so precious. most kids are kind of afraid of older people, especially as frail as my mamaw was. but kaylee and koleman loved their "mamaw walton". as soon as we would walk into her house, koleman would go right to her and rub her arm with his tiny little hand. he would lay his head on her lap and kiss her. he would hold her cup for her so she could get a drink. kaylee loved to help her in any way she could. she would constantly ask mamaw if she needed to go to the bathroom. she loved to raise her electric recliner and get her walker for her. she would "help" her walk down the hall. she would also hold her cup for her so she could drink. and though mamaw could barely see or hold her head up, she truly did enjoy them so much. she loved to hold them in her lap.
the last time we spent with her was on new years. we stayed up late new years eve and celebrated as it turned midnight. we were all being silly, yelling and kissing each other. we looked over and koleman had gone to her on his own and kissed her. it was so sweet. after we left on new years day, kaylee ended up staying 2 more nights on her own. she wanted to stay and "help mamaw". while she was there, she enjoyed riding her new pony. as weak as mamaw was, they were able to bring her to the door so she could look out and see kaylee on the pony.
i know i will shed a lot more tears as this weekend goes on and we go through all of the services that accompany someone's death. but these services are not for my mamaw, they are for us. my tears are not tears of sorrow for mamaw but for me. i am gonna miss her so much but i am so incredibly happy for her. i pray with all my heart that i can leave the legacy that she has left. i want to live my life as "good" as she did.
"there will be a day with no more tears, no more pain and no more fears.
there will be a day when the burdens of this world will be no more
we'll see Jesus face to face."
("there will be a day" by Jeremy Camp)
